Fuck The Fuck Off

This particular picture, though I had no idea why, pissed me off. The idiocy of trying to explain the custom of wearing a wedding ring on the left ring finger by saying, "it's the only finger with a vein connected to the heart."

Excuse me while I take out this comically sized bullhorn:

*ahem*

"BULLSHIT!"

Wikipedia, if you please...

"Before medical science discovered how the circulatory system functioned, people believed that a vein of blood ran directly from the third finger on the left hand to the heart. Because of the hand-heart connection, they chose the descriptive name vena amoris, Latin for the vein of love, for this particular vein.
Based upon this name, their contemporaries, purported experts in the field of matrimonial etiquette, wrote that it would only be fitting that the wedding ring be worn on this finger. By wearing the ring on the third finger of the left hand, a married couple symbolically declares their eternal love for each other."

"Before medical science discovered how the circulatory system functioned..." BEFORE. Wait, it gets funnier to me. What about the left hand?

"In Western cultures, a wedding ring is traditionally worn on the ring finger. This developed from the Roman "anulus pronubis" when the man gave a ring to the woman at the betrothal ceremony. Blessing the wedding ring and putting it on the bride's finger dates from the 11th century."

"In medieval Europe, the Christian wedding ceremony placed the ring in sequence on the index, middle, and ring fingers of the left hand. The ring was then left on the ring finger. In a few European countries, the ring is worn on the left hand prior to marriage, then transferred to the right during the ceremony. For example, a Greek Orthodox bride wears the ring on the left hand prior to the ceremony, then moves it to the right hand after the wedding. In England, the 1549 Prayer Book declared "the ring shall be placed on the left hand". By the 17th and 18th centuries the ring could be found on any finger after the ceremony — even on the thumb."


....

When I get married, I'm wearing it on my middle finger, just to tell people what they can do.

Cemetery Girl

As I try to sleep to possibly three good solid hours before I have to get up to go to Macy's, of course by body tells me to write. What do I want to write about? My family (Of course! Makes perfect sense!) More specifically...my newly appointed High School Freshman cousin Noah. I want to tell him, being the closest in age to him (apart from 4 year old Ava) everything I learned, but there's a catch: he's so far away and I'm a self-described recluse.

I try. God knows I try to connect to the Weitekamp side of the family because, well, what else do I got? My Mom's side literally has four people: Me, Mom, Uncle Evan and his wife Rita (and I think they're recluses too.) We are more cursed and shamed than open and loved.

And the Richards? (The following portion of this rant has been stopped due to possible assassination attempts on my life on that side of the family. Trust me...it's wise NOT to anger anyone from that family. I'm 87 percent sure that side has Klan ties and would straight up drag me into the woods and kill me.)


I hope to someday be able to openly tell my family how I wish we were closer (and hopefully that's the same day my Great Aunt Verna FINALLY admits to killing her last two or even three husbands).

However, since that will never happen, here's what I wish I could tell Noah:

1. Watch Fight Club (Okay, not really H.S. related, but still. Watch it.)

2. Don't lose you virginity with a virgin ...unless it's your girlfriend (or boyfriend). Then do it when you're either under 18 or BOTH over 18...I refuse to have my poor cousin be filed as a sexual deviant when all he was doing was being intimate with his significant other.

3. Sparknotes: Learn it. Live it. LOVE IT! (Especially with that tricky, tricky Shakespeare, which I didn't read until college, but who knows? It may severely come in handy).

4. If you insist on playing Football, please befriend the Band. They are some freakishly cool people sitting in the stands playing your damn music in the cold with stupid flumes on their head...and DESERVE some respect! (And Hot Cocoa).

5.Try at least once in the four years you're stuck in H.S. to get a teacher to go off topic for a whole class, thereby making him/her unable to assign you homework.

6. Don't assume multiple choice is better than essay questions on tests: I got a 28% on a test that was all multiple choice, but a B- on a test that was to write an essay. I bullshitted my way to that B, despite having no idea what I was talking about, but the multiple choice? Statistics screwed me on that one.

7. Pajama bottoms is your friend with insane benefits ("Oh, I'm comfy all day? How nice...")

8. Tell your favorite teacher that he/she is your favorite. I failed to do that and the only way I was able to say it was in a written statement at his funeral.

9. Wear your sunscreen. (Speaking of quoting 15 year-old songs no one knows, DON'T quote songs in your damn Yearbook! I swear to God, if I read under your picture that your quote is "YOLO" officially retire you as the cool male Weitekamp.)

10. Learn to master the art of sarcasm. For real, I have told off so many people (including one teacher and assistant principal) and they never got it! Why? Sarcasm :-)

Hopefully now my brain can sleep, if only for a few hours.